As part of his ongoing treatment Paul has been taking Propanalol tablets - they are to help slow down his heart rate which in turn relieves the pressure on his liver and kidneys. He has been taking 4 a day, two in the morning and two at night. The other day he forgot to take his night time dose and would you believe it - the twitches stopped!
So, now we try to make sure that he takes his Propranalol tablets well before bedtime, and it seems to be working. Why couldn't his doctors work that one out?
Back to our story....
One of the first things Paul ever said to me after we got together, was "Don't try to change me!".
I have learned over the years that the worst thing you can do in any relationship is to try to change the person you are with. After all, you fell in love with them as they were....so why try to make them into something, or someone else?
So, when he said that, I promised him that I wouldn't ever try to make him into something he wasn't. I just replied, "If you want to change, you will, and I will support you all I can, but I will never try to impose anything on you that you don't want to do, or be".
It was very hard to say this. I knew that he was heading for a load of trouble because of his alcohol dependency, and I was constantly feeling angry and upset by his apparent determination to ruin his life for the sake of the drink, but I also knew that the more I nagged and complained, the more determined he would be to carry on!
I think the "change", when it came, was very gradual, and I am glad to say that really, apart from just being there for him, it wasn't me who changed him. He did it himself, eventually, because he was intelligent enough to understand the damage he was doing and he truly wanted to free himself from his addiction.
The start of this change began when, after a long night's sleep in bed, we noticed a lot of blood on his pillow.
At first, he put it down to a habit he had of dribbling in his sleep, and he blamed all the red wine he had been drinking the night before. I didn't think this was the case, but I just kept changing the pillow cases, as required, and eventually, after a good few weeks, he confessed to me that this wasn't the only problem he was having.
He was losing a lot of blood when he went to the toilet, which he said was probably due to piles but he was also coughing up blood from time to time. I immediately said that I thought he should go to his doctor, and he said he hated going to the doctors because in his opinion, they knew nothing. However, under a lot of duress he finally agreed to go and we made an appointment for him.
The doctor asked him how much he was drinking and Paul told him he drank quite a lot, and the doctor told him to cut right down, checked his blood pressure which was fine, and did a blood test to check his liver count.
One week later we went back for the results - his liver count was over 600! To put that into perspective, I had a test recently as part of my ongoing treatment for Type 2 Diabetes and the liver count was 80. I wasn't a particularly heavy drinker but was doing about 21 units a week which is 7 units too many, and I was advised to cut down my own alcohol intake. I did, and it has now returned to normal.
His doctor asked if he had cut down the alcohol and Paul said he had. He hadn't! He was still drinking as much as ever. The doctor told him that he MUST cut down, and referred him to the local Drug and Alcohol counselling service and also to a hospital psychiatrist. To be fair to Paul, he did attend both of these sessions, but in both cases the outcome was that he needed to do something for himself, and he just wasn't ready for to do it.
He did try to stop drinking. He cut out all spirits and reduced his wine consumption, and started spending less time at the pub. He started to eat properly and for the first time since we met I started to see him sober.
He was still Paul, but much more serious - no wise cracks or jokes - just, normal, and for a few weeks I lived with a new man. We ate out more and family and friends noticed a difference in him, a positive one.
But it didn't last. He was miserable all the time and really struggling, feeling that no-one liked him unless he was playing the fool and making them laugh. He said to me "That's what I do - I make people laugh!".
In the meantime, we had to change jobs. We were still in the publishing business, and Paul was still in management, but now working from Bolton which on the one hand was good - we didn't need to get up so early in the morning, and we were back in Chorley earlier most nights, but it also meant that we were in the pub earlier. More temptation and drinking time for Paul.
He relapsed and started losing a lot of blood again, the weight was dropping off him, and he was permanently tired. He was becoming very unwell and refusing to do anything to help himself.
See you soon!
Chrissie
No comments:
Post a Comment